This is Be Kind To Human Balloon Animals Week

How quickly manhood moves into “pulling-up-your-pants-hood.”

A common sign of a man entering “pulling-up-your-pants-hood” is the wearing of suspenders—basically a mechanism which pulls up your pants for you.

At a truck stop once, I noticed a guy pulling up his pants twice as he walked ten yards from the gas pump to the convenience store. He was probably in his sixties, dressed in t-shirt, baseball cap, and jeans. His belly? Massive. His butt? Practically nonexistent.

With a physique like that, I thought, he probably has to pull up his pants all day long—practically every time he blinks. Time to get some suspenders.

He reminded me of how balloon animals start out firm and shiny, but after a few days they dull down, prune up, and change shape—the tail shrinks and the belly grows. The air that once filled the nose leaks into an ear.

My wife and I have a friend who does clown gigs for kids’ birthday parties, during which she makes balloon animals. We saw her once in Atlanta and she said she could make a balloon Krishna for us. We had to see this. She said she does it all the time.

She disappeared for a moment and returned with a blue balloon, a yellow paper towel, a magic marker, and a bunch of stickers. We watched, fascinated, as she worked a disarmingly cute little Krishna into shape. She drew a face—full lips, lotus eyes, long lashes—with the magic marker. She quickly tore and folded the paper towel into a little dhoti and chadar. A little paisley sticker became Krishna’s peacock feather. I was impressed.

We named our new, adorable family member “Balloon Gopal,” took Him home, and kept him on display until He started to seriously lose air. Then I put Balloon Gopal in a drawer.

I can’t bring myself to get rid of Him. The last time I looked at Balloon Gopal, one of His legs was the only remaining inflated part. His face, minus air, had become microscopic. But, even in such a shrunken condition, He’s still undeniably cute: yet another proof, for me, that Krishna manifests attractiveness no matter what form He appears in.

Not so for us human balloon animals—before we know it, our bodies have morphed from childhood to manhood to “pulling-up-your-pants-hood,” and then some punk puts us in his blog.